The Perfect Pet
by sbrocksman
Summary: We go into SpongeBob's childhood and discover how he and Gary first met. Meanwhile, Patchy the Pirate looks back at the first time he met Potty the Parrot.


**The Perfect Pet**

French Narrator: It's time for a super SpongeBob SquarePants special, but this special is no ordinary special, because this special is the special where SpongeBob buys Gary. And here to host this special SpongeBob special, is the one, the only, PATCHY THE PIRATE!

_We wait at the door for 5 seconds___

French Narrator: Patchy?

_Potty answers the door___

Potty: Oh, hey, kids! Come on in!

_We see Patchy putting up decorations___

Patchy: (_Mumbling Under his breath_) Gotta finish decorating!

Potty: PATCHY!

Patchy: (_Turns around_) Potty! I told you... oh, hey kids! You're early, Potty was just putting up the decorations.

Kids: Why are you putting up decorations, Patchy?

Patchy: Because, 10 years ago, today, is the day when I first bought Potty. Hey! You want to hear that story?

Kids: Yes, please!

_Flashback starts___

_We see Patchy at a pet shop___

Patchy: Hmmm... I need a parrot...

Shop Assistant: Well, why don't you turn around and look at our parrot section?

Patchy: Great idea!

_We see a bunch of parrots that look like Potty___

_Flashback suddenly ends___

Potty: Patchy, I need help putting up the decorations.

Patchy: I'll be right there! (_Looks at us_) Look, I'll tell you the story later. In the meantime, why don't you watch some brand new SpongeBob SquarePants?

_THE PERFECT PET – by sbrocksman_

_We see 10 year-old SpongeBob and Patrick sitting next to each other in class (Elementary School)___

Mrs. Boat: All right, class. Can anyone answer the question on the board?

SpongeBob: Ooh! Ooh! I can! (_Walks to the chalkboard_) It's simple really, 1+1=2.

_The Whole Class Claps_

Patrick: Wow! I would never have figured that out.

Mrs. Boat: All right, class. You remember what's going on in 3 days time?

Class: Uhhhhh...

Mrs. Boat: (_Sighs_) It's bring your pet to school day in 3 days.

SpongeBob: Uh-oh!

Patrick: What's wrong, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Well, I don't have a pet. Remember?

Patrick: It's okay, SpongeBob! You can borrow Spidey.

SpongeBob: Uh, no thank you, Patrick! Remember the last time I borrowed Spidey?

_Flashback Starts_

_We see SpongeBob about to feed Spidey_

SpongeBob: Come on, Spidey. Dinnertime.

_SpongeBob pours loads of food into Spidey's bowl and Spidey crawls away_

SpongeBob: Spidey, come back! (_Slips and falls into huge pile of food_)

Spidey: Ha! Ha! Ha!

_Flashback Ends_

SpongeBob: After what happened I never want to see Spidey again.

_Bell Rings_

Mrs. Boat: All right, class. Remember, bring a pet into school or detention!

Patrick: Well, SpongeBob. What are you going to do?

SpongeBob: I'll have to ask my parents for a pet.

Dutch Narrator: Later that evening.  
French Narrator: Uhhh... that's my line.  
Dutch Narrator: Sorry...

_We see SpongeBob and his Parents_

Mr. SquarePants: I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but we can't afford a pet just yet. We've got a holiday to save up for, remember?  
SpongeBob: But a snail is only £5.00.  
Mrs. SquarePants: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. Maybe you can borrow a pet from Patrick.  
SpongeBob: _Mum! NO!_  
Mr. SquarePants: Either that or a detention.  
SpongeBob: (_Thinks for a moment_) Well, what if I open up a lemonade stand, or a bubblestand.

_Bubble Transition_

_The School bell rings and we see SpongeBob and Patrick at their lockers_

Patrick: Did you get a pet yet?  
SpongeBob: No, but I decided to sell stuff so I can afford a snail.  
Patrick: You're selling stuff? Can I help? (_Talks fast_) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?  
SpongeBob: Sure buddy, well, we'd better get off to class.

_We see SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in class___

Mrs. Boat: And remember class, in just 2 days you have to bring a pet into class.  
SpongeBob: (_Raises hand_) Uh... Mrs. Boat, what if I don't have a pet?  
Mrs. Boat: Well, I suggest you go buy one. All right now, class, if you remember...

_Another fish named Jade talks to SpongeBob and Patrick_

Jade: SpongeBob, is it true that you're going to get your first detention?  
SpongeBob: What makes you think I'm gonna get a detention?  
Jade: Well, you haven't got a pet, as you told me last month.  
SpongeBob: Well, I'm gonna buy one...  
Patrick: Or he could borrow Spidey...

_Mrs. Boat turms around_

Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade! What is the meaning of this chatter? Did you even listen to a word I said?  
SpongeBob: Uhhh... yes. (_Although he didn't sound like he was telling the truth_)  
Mrs. Boat: Well, then, what did I say?  
SpongeBob: Uhhh... you said that Nickelodeon is your favourite TV Channel.  
Mrs. Boat: That was just a lucky guess.

_Patchy the Pirate appears in the middle of the screen_

Patchy: Looks like SpongeBob has got himself into some trouble, anyway, now I have 3 minutes to tell you the story of when I bought Potty.

Patchy: As you remember, I was in the pet shop when it happened.

_Flashback begins_

_We see Patchy at the Pet Shop_

Shop Assistant: I see you're interested in buying a parrot.  
Patchy: Well, I am a pirate. Never seen a pirate with a budgie, have ye? (_Laughs_)  
Shop Assistant: Well, we have loads of parrots. Have a look around, find one you like.

_Patchy looks at all the parrots_

Patchy: By the way, how much do these parrots cost?  
Shop Assistant: Well, most pets in this shop are £7.99.  
Patchy: (_Gets money out of his money and counts it_) I only have £7.98.  
Shop Assistant: Well, there is only one parrot that is less than £7.99.  
Patchy: I'll take him!  
Shop Assistant: I must warn you, though, he is very annoying!  
Patchy: Can I still buy him? (_Talks fast_) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?  
Shop Assistant: Okay! Okay! Well, here he is!

_The Shop Assistant brings out Potty in a cage_

Potty: Buy me and you'll regret it!  
Shop Assistant: See what I mean? The only reason we sell him is because the other shops wouldn't buy him!  
Potty: The customers wouldn't buy me either!  
Patchy: C'mon! How much trouble can one parrot be?  
Shop Assistant: Okay, that'll be £6.99!

_Patchy gives the shop assistant the money_

Potty: I warned you not to buy me! (_Flies off_)  
Patchy: Come back! (_Chases him_)

_Flashback ends_

Patchy: ... and that's about it. Potty bumped into a crane and fell into my bird cage. We've been friends ever since.  
Potty: What do you mean, "friends?"  
Patchy: Well, that's my story, and now back to _SpongeBob SquarePants!_

_We see SpongeBob and Patrick at a lemonade stand___

SpongeBob: Get ready, Pat! Soon I'll have enough money to buy that snail!  
Patrick: Can I be your first customer? (_Talks fast_) Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?  
SpongeBob: Sure buddy!  
Patrick: (_Talks even faster_) Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh...!  
SpongeBob: STOP THAT! PATRICK! It's starting to get on my nerves.  
Patrick: But its SpongeBobRocksMan who's making me say it!  
SpongeBob: SpongeBobRocksMan, stop making Patrick do that!  
Me: But...  
SpongeBob: NO BUTS!  
Me: Okay!

_A customer comes_

Customer: Excuse me, but do you sell lemonade here?  
SpongeBob: Sure do!  
Customer: Can I buy one? Can I? Can...?  
Me: You'd better stop that, customer!  
Customer: Okay!  
SpongeBob: Here you go, one lemonade, that'll be 75p.

_Customer gives SpongeBob the money and SpongeBob gives him a lemonade_

Customer: (_Drinks his lemonade_) Mmmm... yummy! This is more tasty than those Krabby Patties.  
Mr. Krabs: What? Nothing tastes better than Krabby Patties!  
(_Mr. Krabs walks off angrily_)

Customer: Boy, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!

_The Customer walks off, and Squidward and Squilliam walk by... and they're friends?_

Squidward: So you really plan on being rich when you're older?  
Squilliam: Yep... sure am... (_Looks at SpongeBob_) Hey Squidward, look at this! Little SpongeBob opened a lemonade stand!  
Patrick: Little SpongeBob _and Patrick_ opened a lemonade stand!  
Squilliam: Whatever...  
Squidward: Ha! Ha! You won't even make a penny, SpongeBob!  
SpongeBob: Yeah? Well for your information, I've already made 75p.

_Squidward and Squilliam burst with laughter_

Squidward: Ha! Ha! Yeah! You're gonna make a lot of money!  
Squilliam: Yeah... I only made 75... £75,000,000! (_laughs_)  
Patrick: We'll show you! We're gonna make loads of money!  
SpongeBob: Yeah, we'll show you! C'mon, Patrick! We've got work to do!

_SpongeBob and Patrick walk off angrily_

Squilliam: Good luck!

_Squidward and Squilliam walk off laughing_

_Bikini Bottom High School Playground___

_We see SpongeBob and Patrick selling stuff, not just lemonade, though_

SpongeBob: Get your extra special cheeseburgers! Only £2.99!  
Patrick: It tastes almost like a Krabby Patty!  
SpongeBob: I see we have a huge queue.

_We see a huge queue and lots of people buying burgers, but then the School bell rings_

SpongeBob: And we only need £1!  
Patrick: Don't worry, we can sell some more burgers next playtime. (_NOTE - "Playtime" is the English word for "Recess"_)  
SpongeBob: We're supposed to bring in our pets tomorrow, and this is the last playtime today.  
Patrick: Darn it!

_SpongeBob and Patrick walk into class_

Mrs. Boat: All right, class! Take out your Maths books and we'll begin our lesson!  
Jade: SpongeBob, looks like its detention time for you!  
SpongeBob: No! I only need £1, and I can buy a snail!  
Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob! Jade! Pay attention! Or you'll be invited for detention club tomorrow!

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob and Patrick walking out of school_

SpongeBob: That was close, I almost had my first detention!  
Patrick: Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Never talk in class!  
SpongeBob: But you... (_a paper hits SpongeBob's ear_) Ow!

_SpongeBob looks at paper_

SpongeBob: Hey, look, Patrick!  
Patrick: What?  
SpongeBob: I just found a £3 off voucher for the pet shop!  
Patrick: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go to the pet shop!

_SpongeBob and Patrick run to the pet shop_

(_SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at the pet shop to see Squidward and Squilliam_)

Squilliam: I knew it! You couldn't even make £7!  
SpongeBob: Well, just to let you know! I can actually buy a new pet!  
Squilliam: With what? That "£1 off" coupon you have?

_SpongeBob and Patrick stare at Squilliam, wondering how he knew about the coupon_

Squilliam: I was the one who "accidentally" dropped it! I wanted to see if you would use it or not!  
Patrick: Ignore him, SpongeBob! He's a jerk!  
Squilliam: Yeah, tubby!  
Patrick: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME TUBBY!  
Squidward: Just ignore him, Patrick! (_laughs_)

_Shop assistant walks by_

Shop Assistant: Hello, SpongeBob! Want to look at our pets again?  
SpongeBob: Actually, I'm here to buy one! I want a new pet snail!  
Shop Assistant: Well, we have a whole store full of 'em.

_Shop Assistant shows SpongeBob all the snails_

SpongeBob: Wow! I like that pink-shelled snail! (_Points to Gary_)  
Shop Assistant: Oh, I see you're interested in Gary!  
SpongeBob: I'll take him!

_The shop assistant tries to give Gary to SpongeBob, but Gary holds onto his shirt_

Shop Assistant: This little feller doesn't like strangers.  
SpongeBob: Don't worry! By tomorrow we'll be best friends!

_Patrick walks out of the shop sadly_

SpongeBob: But you'll still be my best friend, Patrick!  
Patrick: Phew!  
SpongeBob: I'll buy Gary!

_SpongeBob gives the shop assistant the money, and he hands Gary over to SpongeBob_

Gary: (_Angrily_) MEOW!  
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary! I'm not a stranger!

_SpongeBob and Patrick walk out of the shop_

Shop Assistant: Bye, guys!

_At SpongeBob's house___

Mr. SquarePants: Now, SpongeBob. I know you wanted a snail, but you should have told us you were buying one first.  
SpongeBob: But...  
Mrs. SquarePants: We just can't keep him at the moment, I mean we don't even have a place for him to sleep.  
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary can sleep in my old bed.  
Mr. SquarePants: What about snail food?  
SpongeBob: I already bought some before I arrived home.  
Mrs. SquarePants: Well... okay, you can keep him.  
SpongeBob: HOORAY! Thanks mum!

_Gary heads towards the door_

SpongeBob: Gary, where are you going?  
Gay: Meow. (_Tries to open the door_)

_SpongeBob picks Gary up and takes him to bed_

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary. It's time for some sleep. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow.  
Gary: Meow.  
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'm excited too. But don't get too excited or you won't be able to sleep tonight. (_laughs_)

_Bubble Transition___

_We see SpongeBob and Gary in SpongeBob's bedroom_

Gary: Meow!  
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary, so you can't sleep in my comfy bed. But I have got a bed for you to sleep in.

_SpongeBob gets out his old bed_

SpongeBob: You can sleep in my old bed.  
Gary: Meow.  
SpongeBob: You don't like it? Don't worry, you will soon.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob brushing his teeth_

Gary: Meow?  
SpongeBob: I can't feed you now Gary!  
Gary: MEOW!  
SpongeBob: Okay, okay. I'll feed you.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob reading a comic_

Gary: Meow?  
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'll wash you soon, Gary. I'm reading this.  
Gary: (Cries)  
SpongeBob: Okay, okay.

_SpongeBob washes Gary, and doesn't look too happy_

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob sleeping in bed_

Gary: Meow?  
SpongeBob: (Wakes up) What is it, Gary?  
Gary: Meow.  
SpongeBob: (Sighs) Okay, okay. I'll get you a midnight snack. (Yawns) I hope Gary doesn't bother me tomorrow.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary and Jade on the school playground___

Jade: So, SpongeBob. You actually bought a pet.  
SpongeBob: Yep, all thanks to that jerk Squilliam Fancyson.  
Jade: Want to see my pet?  
SpongeBob: Sure!  
Jade: I brought my pet snail, she's called "Patricia."  
Patrick: That sounds almost like SpongeBob's name. Or was it my name?  
SpongeBob: Well, what do you think of Gary?  
Jade: He's cool. Well, I've got to go, see ya.

_Jade walks off_

SpongeBob: So Patrick, what pet did you bring?  
Patrick: I brought Spidey.  
Spidey: Helllooo, SpongeBob.  
SpongeBob: AAAAAAHHHHHH! SPIDEY!

_SpongeBob notices there's no Gary next to him_

SpongeBob: Errr... Patrick. I've got a problem.  
Patrick: What?  
SpongeBob: Where's Gary?  
Patrick: I don't know, but you'd better find him... and quick.

_We see the Gary walking through the school corridors past the lockers_

Teacher: (Looks at Gary) Uh-oh, there's a snail in here. I'd better call snail control.

_The teacher grabs a phone and calls snail control_

Teacher: Hello snail control... uh-huh... yeah... snail in the school... you'll be here in 1 hour?... okay bye!

_Teacher looks at Gary_

Teacher: Well, it looks like you're not going to be going past these school doors again, snail!

_School bell rings___

SpongeBob: Uh-oh! That's the school bell. And I still haven't found Gary.  
Patrick: What are you going to do now?  
SpongeBob: I have an idea, I'll go to look for Gary. You go to class and stop the teacher from looking out our pets.  
Patrick: How am I gonna do that?  
SpongeBob: I don't know! Ask for a spelling test, an essay, extra homework! ANYTHING!

_Patrick walks inside_

Narrator: Meanwhile...

_We see Gary in a cage inside the principal's office_

Teacher: I found this snail in the school corridors.  
Principal: Well, we can't have snails in the school. Did you call snail control?  
Teacher: Yes.  
Principal: Good, the snail won't leave this room until we arrive.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob looking in Jade's locker_

SpongeBob: Gary?  
Jade: SpongeBob! What are you doing in my locker?  
SpongeBob: Uhhh... looking for my pet snail.  
Jade: (Gasps) Your pet snail is missing? We'd better find it before someone calls snail control.

_The Principal's office___

Principal: I just got a call from snail control, they'll be here in 10 minutes.  
Teacher: Good.  
Principal: I just don't understand how that snail got in this school anyway.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see Patrick in class_

Mrs. Boat: As you all know class, today is bring your pet...  
Patrick: WAIT!  
Mrs. Boat: What's wrong, Patrick?  
Patrick: Well... errr... I was hoping you would... well... uh... give us a really long test.

_Everyone looks at Patrick angrily_

Mrs. Boat: A test? Well, I can't just give you a test without any revision.  
Patrick: Errr... how about you give us really long homework.

_Everyone looks at Patrick even angrier_

Patrick: Heh-heh.  
Mrs. Boat: Well, I haven't planned to give you homework today, but okay...  
Narrator: Meanwhile...

_We see SpongeBob and Jade looking across the playground_

Jade: We should just give up, SpongeBob. We're not going to find him.  
SpongeBob: We can't give up just yet, Jade.

_The snail control arrives_

SpongeBob: Snail control?  
Jade: That can only mean one thing.  
SpongeBob: To the principal's office!

_We see Patrick in class_

Mrs. Boat: ... and that's your homework, class.  
Patrick: Wait, what about you give us a giant essay?  
Mrs. Boat: Okay.  
Student: You'll pay for this, Patrick!  
Patrick: But I don't have any money.

Mrs. Boat: And now, class, everybody get out their pets.  
Patrick: Uh-oh.  
Mrs. Boat: Is there a problem, Patrick?  
Patrick: Uhhh, no. Heh-heh.

_We see SpongeBob open the door to the principal's office_

_We also see Gary about to be put in a cage_

SpongeBob: STOP! DON'T TOUCH GARY!  
Principal: SpongeBob, does this snail belong to you?  
SpongeBob: Well... uh... yes.

_Everybody gasps, including Jade_

SpongeBob: Jade, why are you gasping?  
Jade: I didn't know you had a pet snail.  
Principal: Now, SpongeBob. For bringing in a pet, you get a detention.  
SpongeBob: WAIT! Today is "bring your pet to school day."  
Principal: Yeah, I forgot. Okay, SpongeBob, we won't harm Gary. But never ever bring him to school again.

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob and Jade walking back to class_

SpongeBob: Well, now that problem is over. I can show my snail to everybody in class. I just hope Patrick hasn't done anything to get everybody mad at him.  
Jade: You have a pet snail? I didn't know that.

_SpongeBob and Jade walk in class___

Mrs. Boat: Where have you two been?  
SpongeBob: Well, I, uh, was looking for my pet snail.  
Mrs. Boat: Well you're lucky, Patrick was just giving the whole class essays and stuff, but since you weren't here you don't have to do them.

_Everyone else runs out of class_

Mrs. Boat: Well, it seems that since nobody is here, nobody will do the essay.

_Everyone walks back in class_

Mrs. Boat: Now class, as you remember, today is the day where you bring in your pet. Patrick, can you show the class your pet?

_Patrick walks in front of the chalkboard_

Patrick: Class, I would like to show you my pet, Spidey.  
Spidey: (_In an evil voice_) Hello, SpongeBob.  
SpongeBob: AAAHHH!  
Patrick: Spidey is a super-cool pet. And super-fun, you can teach him tricks.

_Patrick gets out a stick and throws it_

Patrick: FETCH!

_Spidey does nothing_

Patrick: Spidey, get the stick.

_Spidey still does nothing_

Mrs. Boat: Thank you for that...um... interesting presentation, Patrick.

_Bubble Transition_

Mrs. Boat: SpongeBob, could you show us the pet you brought to school.

_SpongeBob walks in front of the chalkboard_

SpongeBob: I brought my pet snail, Gary. Who is one of the best friends I've ever had.  
Class: Awww...  
SpongeBob: Sure, he can't do many tricks. But he's loyal, trusting and he can play fetch.  
Gary: Meow.

_SpongeBob throws a stick and Gary gets it_

Mrs. Boat: What a wonderful pet, SpongeBob. You get an A+.

_The whole class claps_

_Bubble Transition_

_We see SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade and Gary in the school playground___

SpongeBob: Phew, what a tough day today has been.  
Patrick: And it's only 10:30am.  
Jade: Congratulations on your A+, SpongeBob.  
SpongeBob: Well, I couldn't have got that grade without my pet snail, Gary.  
Gary: Meow.  
Jade: So, what are you going to do now?  
SpongeBob: Well, I should go home now, but first...

_Bubble Transition_

_We see Squidward and Squilliam_

Squidward: Here comes SpongeGeek, Squilliam.  
Squilliam: What does he want, money? (_laughs_)

_Squidward and Squilliam slip on snail slime_

SpongeBob: Who's the loser now, Squilliam?

_SpongeBob, Patrick, Jade and Gary laugh_

THE END


End file.
